Summer’s almost over, and I’ve barely gotten my drink on with you, readers! What’s wrong with me? Wait, hold that thought. Get a pen. Great, so just go ahead and make a list, and we can review it when we’re drunk enough, when I will likely find it funny. The sobbing shame cycle won’t start until the hangover sets in. You’ll be long gone by then.
Or you could wait until Festivus for the airing of grievances, like a normal person.
I know what you’re saying. Should you really be drinking unsupervised, Jaime? Didn’t you just get ganged up on by a sink and a slippery floor, and get yourself miserably trounced, while absolutely sober? Perhaps. But I got a very nice Rorschach test out of it.
But, you insist, weren’t you also the one who broke her wrist at a wedding while dancing, if you can call it that?
Um, you must be confusing me with someone else…How terribly mortifying that must have been for whoever it is that you’re thinking of.
Even this is better than my dancing.
Never get me drunk enough to agree to dance because there isn’t enough liquor in the world to make you forget it afterwards.
But even so! Even so, for you, reader, I am going to risk the possibility of becoming a danger to myself to share with you my favorite new drinks that are perfect for the last month of summer.
Strawberry Basil Lemonade
(with Grown Up Watermelon Ice Cubes)
Vodka Watermelon Ice Cubes:
1 bottle of vodka
Cut a hole into the watermelon (don’t throw out the piece).
Insert funnel. Pour vodka in to the top of the funnel.
Allow the vodka to soak into the flesh of the watermelon. You will have to do this in several installments. You can also make several holes to get the vodka to more evenly distribute.
Once vodka has soaked in, plug up the hole(s) and refrigerate overnight.
Related? You decide.
Ok, moving on. Grab your drinking materials onto you.
1 cup sugar
Fresh basil, several “stalks”
3-4 Strawberries (per drink)
1 ounce lemon juice (per drink)
Seltzer water (regular water is fine)
In a pot with high sides, add sugar and cover with water. Bring to a boil. Once it’s at a boil, remove from heat and add basil.
Let basil infuse for an hour.
Now, you have basil simple syrup.
Slice the strawberries and add them to glass. Or ball jar.
Muddle strawberries. Don’t have a muddler? Me either. I just used the back of a wooden spoon.
Me smash good.
(Food processor smashes even better…)
Then add 2 ounces of basil syrup and 1 ounce of lemon juice. Add 4-5 ounces of seltzer water. Stir.
Cube up watermelon (you can pop the cubes in the freezer if you want the drink to be extra cold) and add as ice cubes. Be careful. They don’t taste boozy, but they are really, really boozy.
In related news – dogs love watermelon.
So, apparently, do chickens.
(these are my friend Dana’s chickens. I want to steal them. A lot. Dana, if you ever find your chickens missing I promise it was the coyotes. No need to come to my apartment. Repeat, do not check my apartment.)
p.s. – I didn’t feed my dogs the boozy watermelon, though that arguably would have been fun. I bought two.
Oatmeal Stout Float
Oatmeal Stout (your favorite brand)
Vanilla Ice cream (recipe follows, but you can just buy it)
Vanilla Ice Cream:
This ice cream is serious. There is no milk in this ice cream. If you want something a little less rich and fattening, use all half and half.
1 cup half and half
1 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup sugar
2 egg yolks
1 tablespoon vanilla bean paste
Combine half and half and cream in a high sided pot
and heat on medium until just steaming.
Meanwhile mix egg yolks and sugar together.
Once cream mixture is steaming, temper into egg mixture in a slow steady stream so you don’t cook your eggs. Return to pot and cook on medium, whisking continuously, until it just coats the back of a spoon (or if you want to be more accurate, until it reaches a temperature of 170). Do NOT boil.
Swirl in vanilla so it looks cool for the picture.
Stir to combine. Pour into pan to increase surface area. More surface area = faster cooling = ice cream in my mouth sooner = yay. Cover pan with plastic wrap. Chill until completely cool.
Process according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
Freeze until hard.
Don’t even pretend that you don’t eat ice cream right out of the machine’s container.
Pour beer into glass. Once it’s settled, add a scoop of ice cream (which will kick the carbonation back up in the most delicious way.)
You need to have this and then come right back.
Now, see how much I like you?